I just celebrated my boy's third birthday. It was fun, but it made me re-think about how I always feel bothered by the social pressure to give and receive presents. Why should this bother me? I summed it up: ingratitude (though I am sure there are other words too).
Take this visual picture I will create and see if it doesn't sound familiar...
A person sits down and everyone gathers around.
Faceless hands emerge,
presents enter from all directions.
Little hands grab...
paper flies,
"Stuff" flashes before your eyes,
Cards lay unread on the floor.
Thing after thing like an endless train...noise, puff, smoke--
passing by.
Commotion.
Empty boxes.
Shreds of once cutely matching paper.
Thought and effort?
Love and joy?
...or random stuff merely to please the senses.
Things can be fun. There can be much joy and happiness and love shared in an experience with gifts and things given and received, but do we take time to create those moments. When my boy grabs a present and opens it, then moves on to the next, and the next, without saying thank you (or saying it, but not being able to "be in the moment" to really say thank you and show gratitude and appreciation). And that is what typically happens when you "mass-produce" birthdays and do the social pressurized "present conveyor belt" approach. What does this experience create for and teach our children at that young impressionable age? Not exactly what I had in mind.... (I know...they are kids and I'm not trying to take that away from them, but I at least want to think about if it is possible for me to better create a purposeful teaching experience while my children experience the fun and pleasure. That is the key.)
So here are some thoughts about better helping kids show gratitude during their birthday....
1. put on the invites that presents are not needed, but would accept gently used toys or books
2. If they bring a present, open it when they come in, so the child can acknowledge each personally
3. Allow more time to open presents and do it quietly amid the other fun without making it the focus of all the kids (or tell people that you wont open presents at the party)
4. Ask people to bring something to share for the party, in place of a present. (bring balloons, bubbles or some popsicles (I think this is my favorite, because then they are helping to create the fun at the party and learning to share for the mutual benefit of everyone)
5. Have simple favors that your child gives to the child in return for a present. But what about those who don't bring one? They get one anyway as a simple thank you for coming)
Don't get me wrong. Presents aren't bad, but too many can bring the wrong focus. Especially as kids and new to the idea of a birthday, I think it's important to start them with the right thought: Birthdays are to celebrate that you are special. My boy loved his "Happy Birthday" crown and wore it a lot! He'll get a used item in good condition that he's never seen and be happy. But he doesn't need so many gifts from everyone that he thinks he's entitled to everything without a thought of sincerely appreciating the gift and the giver.
I've seen too many people who seem super sweet and nice and loving, but I see another side of them when I see their complete ingratitude for givers of a gift during that person's baby shower or Christmas or birthday. These are the mass-proceeded moments in which ingratitude appears most readily.
And then there are party favors. Good idea? Yes and no. I don't like having to spend money on things that kids don't need. But yes, in the sense that it can be a way for your child to learn to thank the receiver. I like that part, but need to think of how to incoporate it better, because I just skipped out on them this time--rebelling from the social norm, instead of creatively taking time to find a better substitution. (that's what happens when you run out of planning time, whoops)
Have I ranted enough? :)
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