Holiday Jokes: Valentines

Valentine Jokes for Kids

Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?
A: ChocoLATE

Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day?
A: Mayflowers

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates?
A: A cocoa-nut.

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you.

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A valentiny.

Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Valetine’s Day?
A: You mean a great dill to me.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you berry much.

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Because they’re scent-imental.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts.

Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m nuts about you.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purrr-fect for me.

Q: What did the rabbit say to his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?
A: Somebunny loves you.

Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail?
A: Because she stole his heart.

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Whale you be mine?

Q. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A. I lava you.

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you beary much.

Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend?
A: “I love you with all my art.”

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love ewe.

Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: You are bee-utiful.

Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep when he said “I love you”?
A: I love you baaaaaaack.

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?
A: Owl be yours.

Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purr-fect for me.

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lets hang out.

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m stuck on you.

Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valentwine.”

Q: What did the snail say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: By my valenslime

Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of hogs and kisses.

Q: What did one door bell say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valenchime.”

Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A: Because it’s got heart.

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflowers.

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine’s Day.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Al
Al who?
Al be your Valentine if you’ll be mine.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alec.
Alec who?
Alec to hold to hand.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atlas
Atlas who?
Atlas, it’s Valentine’s Day.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Bea my Valentine.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Emma
Emma who?
Emma hoping to by your Valentine.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be my Valentine?

Poem: Shadow Race

 Every time I’ve raced my shadow
 When the sun was at my back,
 It always ran ahead of me,
 Always got the best of me.
 But every time I’ve raced my shadow
 When my face was toward the sun,
 I won.


By Shel Silverstein

Poem: Trying on Clothes

Trying on Clothes
I tried on the farmer's hat, 
Didn't fit… 
A little too small - just a bit 
Too floppy. 
Couldn't get used to it, 
Took it off. 
I tried on the dancer's shoes, 
A little too loose. 
Not the kind you could use 
for walkin'. 
Didn't feel right in 'em, 
Kicked 'em off. 

I tried on the summer sun, 
Felt good. 
Nice and warm - knew it would. 
Tried the grass beneath bare feet, 
Felt neat. 
Finally, finally felt well dressed, 
Nature's clothes fit me best. 

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Tired

Tired

I’ve been working so hard you just wouldn’t believe,

And I’m tired!

There’s so little time and so much to achieve,…

And I’m tired!

I’ve been lying here holding the grass in its place,

Pressing a leaf with the side of my face,

Tasting the apples to see if they’re sweet,

Counting the toes on a centipede’s feet.

I’ve been memorizing the shape of that cloud,

Warning the robins to not chirp so loud,

Shooing the butterflies off the tomatoes,

Keeping an eye out for floods and tornadoes.

I’ve been supervising the work of the ants

And thinking of pruning the cantaloupe plants,

Calling the fish to swim into my nets,

And I’ve taken twelve thousand and forty-one breaths,

And I’m TIRED!

 by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Channels

Channels
​Channel 1’s no fun.

Channel 2’s just news.

Channel 3’s hard to see.

Channel4 is just a bore.

Channel 5 is all jive.

Channel 6 needs to be fixed.

Channel 7 and channel 8—

Just old movies, not so great.

Channel 9 is a waste of time.

Channel 10 is off, my child.

Wouldn’t you like to talk a while?

by Shel Silverstein

Folk Tale: In Heaven We Feed Each Other

In Heaven We Feed Each Other

There is an ancient Chinese parable about an old man who knew he would die soon. He wanted to know what Heaven and hell were like. He visited a wise man in his village to ask "Can you tell me what Heaven and hell are like?" The wise man led him down a strange path, deep into the countryside. Finally they came upon a large house with many rooms and went inside. Inside they found lots of people and many enormous tables with an incredible array of food. Then the old man noticed a strange thing, the people, all thin and hungry were holding chopsticks 12 feet long. They tried to feed themselves, but of course could not get the food to their mouths with such long chopsticks. The old man then said to the wise man "Now I know what hell looks like, will you please show me what Heaven looks like?" The wise man led him down the same path a little further until they came upon another large house similar to the first. They went inside and saw many people well fed and happy, they too had chopsticks 12 feet long. This puzzled the old man and he asked, "I see all of these people have 12 feet chopsticks too, yet they are well fed and happy, please explain this to me.The wise man replied, "in Heaven we feed each other"

*we role played this with keeping our arms straight and trying to feed ourselves, versus feeding the person opposite us. Works great for both habit 4 (with partners) and habit 6 with everyone finishing the food and feeling happy and full.

Poem: Crowded Tub

This is an example of people all trying to do something, instead of synergizing (Covey Habit 6)

​Crowded Tub

There’s too many kids in this tub.

There’s too many elbows to scrub.

I just washed a behind

That I’m sure wasn’t mine,

There’s too many kids in this tub.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: The Little Boy and the Old Man

The Little Boy and the Old Man

Said the little boy, 'Sometimes I drop my spoon.'
Said the old man, 'I do that too.'
The little boy whispered, 'I wet my pants.'
'I do that too,' laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, 'I often cry.'
The old man nodded, 'So do I.'
'But worst of all,' said the boy, 'it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me.'
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
'I know what you mean,' said the little old man. 

by Shel Silverstein

*This may be good to read before going to a Senior Living Center...and help open kids' eyes to others' needs beyond their own.

Poem: Reflections

​Reflection

Each time I see the upside/down man

Standing in the water,

I look at him and start to laugh,

Although I shouldn’t Autre.

For maybe in another world

Another time

Another town,

maybe he is right side up

And I am upside down.

by Shel Silverstein

*might be fun to do an art project on symmetry/reflections

Poem: Point of View

​(might scare/disturb some little kids....)

Point of View

ThanksGiving dinner’s sad and thankless

Christmas dinner is dark and blue

When you stop and try to see it

From the turkeys point of view.

Sunday dinner is it sunny

Easter feasts are just bad luck

When you see it from the viewpoint

Of a chicken or a duck.

Oh how I once loved tuna salad

Pork and lobsters, lamb chops too

Till I stopped and looked at dinner

From the dinners point of view.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: No Difference

No Difference

Small as a peanut,

Big as a giant,

We’re all the same size

When we turn off the light.

Rich as a sultan,

Poor as a mite,

We are all worth the same

When we turn off the light.

Red, black or orange,

Yellow or white,

We All look the same

When we turn off the light.

So maybe the way

To make everything right

Is for God to just reach out

And turn off the light!

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: 1 Inch Tall

​1 Inch Tall

If you were only 1 inch tall, you ride a worm to school.

The teardrop of a crying aunt would be your swimming pool.

A crumb of cake would be a feast

and last you seven days at least.

A flea would be a frightening beast

If you were 1 inch tall.

If you were only 1 inch tall, you’d walk but Neath the door,

And it would take about a month to get down to the store.

A bit of fluff would be your bed,

You could swing upon a spiders thread,

And wear a thimble on your head

If you were 1 inch tall.

You’d surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.

You couldn’t hug your mama, you’d just have to hug her thumb.

You’d run from people’s feet in fright,

To move a pen would take all night,

(this poem took 14 years to write – –

‘Cause I’m just 1 inch tall.)

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: The Toad and the Kangaroo

The Toad and the Kangaroo

Said the Toad to the Kangaroo,

"I can hop and so can you,

So if we marry we'll have a child

Who can jump a mountain or hop a mile

And we can call it a Toadaroo,"

Said the hopeful Toad to the Kangaroo.

Said the Kangaroo, "My dear,

What a perfectly lovely idea.

I would most gladly marry you,

But as for having a Toadaroo,

I'd rather we call it a Kangaroad,"

Said the Kangaroo to the frowning Toad.

So they argued but couldn't agree

On Rangatoo or Kangaree

And finally the Toad said, "I don't give a dang

If it's Rootakoad or Toadakang--

I really don't feel like marrying you!"

"Fine with me," said the Kangaroo.

And the Toad had no more to say,

And the Kangaroo just hopped away.

And they never married or had a child

That could jump a mountain or hop a mile.

What a loss--what a shame--

Just 'cause they couldn't agree on a name.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Prayer of the Selfish Child

​(this is an example of not thinking win-win)

Prayer of the Selfish Child

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

And if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my toys to break.

So none of the other kids can use ‘em.”

Amen.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Us

(the need to think win-win...because you're stuck together)

​

Us

Me and Him

Him and me,

We are always together

As you can see.

I wish he’d leave

So I’d be free

I’m getting a little bit

Tired of he,

And he may be a bit

Bored with me.

On movies and ladies

We cannot agree.

I love to dance

And he likes to ski.

He loves the mountains

And I like the sea.

I love hot chocolate

And he wants his Tea.

I want to sleep

And he has to Pee.

He’s meaner and duller

And fatter than me.

But I guess there’s worse things

We could be – –

Instead of two we could be three,

Me and him

Him and me.

by Shel Silverstein

We did profile symmetry art after reading this and talked about how you can see faces from one perspective and vases from the other., and how when we think win-win, we need to try to let go of just what we want/see.

Poem: Hug O'War

​

Hug O’ War

I will not play at tug o’ war.

I’d rather play at hug o’ war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins.

by Shel Silverstein

*We played a hand wrestling game after reading this, where you stand palms facing eachother and try to push eachother away so they move their feet. Whomever moves their feet loses. Then we said we would rather payed at hug-o-war than tug-o-war and we hugged afterwards instead and said there were no losers! :)

Poem: Anchored

​Anchored

Our anchors too big for our ship,

So we are sitting here trying to think.

If we leave it behind we’ll be lost.

If we haul it on board, we will sink.

If we sit and keep talking about it,

It will soon be too late for our trip.

It sure can be rough on a sailor

When the anchors too big for the ship.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Fancy Dive

​Fancy Dive

The fanciest dive that ever was dove

Was done by Melissa of coconut grove.

She bounced on the board and flew into the air

With a twist of her head and a twirl of her hair.

She did 34 jackknives, backflips and spun,

Quadruple gainered, and reached for the sun,

And then somersaulted nine times and a quarter – –

Looked down and saw that the pool no water.

by  Shel Silverstein

Poem: Something Missing

​Something Missing

I remember I put on my socks,

I remember I put on my shoes.

I remember I put on my Tie

That was painted

In beautiful purples and blues.

I remember I put on my coat,

To look perfectly grand at the dance,

Yet I feel there is something

I may have forgot – –

What is it? What is it?…

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: The Flying Festoon

​The Flying Festoon

Oh I’m going to ride on the flying festoon—

I’ll jump on his back and I’ll whistle a tune,

And will fly to the outermost tip of the moon,

The flying festoon and I.

I’m taking a sandwich, a ball and a prone,

And we are leaving this evening precisely at noon,

For I’m going to fly with the flying festoon…

Just as soon as he learns how to fly.

by Shel Silverstein

Poem: Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout  Would not take the garbage out! 
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout 
Would not take the garbage out! 
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans, 
Candy the yams and spice the hams, 
And though her daddy would scream and shout, 
She simply would not take the garbage out. 
And so it piled up to the ceilings: 
Coffee grounds, potato peelings, 
Brown bananas, rotten peas, 
Chunks of sour cottage cheese. 
It filled the can, it covered the floor, 
It cracked the window and blocked the door 
With bacon rinds and chicken bones, 
Drippy ends of ice cream cones, 
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel, 
Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal, 
Pizza crusts and withered greens, 
Soggy beans and tangerines, 
Crusts of black burned buttered toast, 
Gristly bits of beefy roasts. . . 
The garbage rolled on down the hall, 
It raised the roof, it broke the wall. . . 
Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs, 
Globs of gooey bubble gum, 
Cellophane from green baloney, 
Rubbery blubbery macaroni, 
Peanut butter, caked and dry, 
Curdled milk and crusts of pie, 
Moldy melons, dried-up mustard, 
Eggshells mixed with lemon custard, 
Cold french fried and rancid meat, 
Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat. 
At last the garbage reached so high 
That it finally touched the sky. 
And all the neighbors moved away, 
And none of her friends would come to play. 
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said, 
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!" 
But then, of course, it was too late. . . 
The garbage reached across the state, 
From New York to the Golden Gate. 
And there, in the garbage she did hate, 
Poor Sarah met an awful fate, 
That I cannot now relate 
Because the hour is much too late. 
But children, remember Sarah Stout 
And always take the garbage out!


by Shel Silverstein